What I’ve Been Thinking About…
Lottery winners who spend or lose all of their money within a few years.
It happens 70% of the time. And a third of them wind up declaring bankruptcy. There are numerous explanations for that, but one that’s always seemed really obvious to me is that who they were when they had less money was who they remained once they had more of it.
Any bad habits they’d already developed related to their finances (not saving, spending more than they made, accumulating more and more debt, etc.) weren’t erased, they were probably only amplified. Instead of digging themselves into a hole with a shovel, now they had an excavator.
I think happiness and fulfillment work the same way. Unless you can appreciate what you already have, it won’t matter how much more you get. Because if your day-to-day life is defined by its deficiencies instead of its merits, you will never have enough.
And like those lottery winners who discovered that their big payday wound up ruining their lives instead of saving them, if too much of your self-worth depends on keeping up with the Joneses, you’re in for a real existential mindfuck at some point.
Because what happens when you get the thing you thought you wanted and you still feel empty?
Unfortunately, I think the impulse is to double down and try to accumulate even MORE. More wealth, more status, more power, more stuff.
Do me a favor and please watch this clip from an interview Dax Shepard did with Sam Jones. Skip to the 5:10 mark and watch it to the end. It’s only two minutes…
No matter how many times I hear someone like him express some variation of this same sentiment, I still catch myself stepping right into that beartrap of “If...”
I’ve been more aware of it recently because my wife and I have been discussing some big moves (quite literally, actually). And as we’ve been talking about our ideal version of the next few years, I had to remind myself that whatever I achieve won’t mean a thing unless I can be grateful for what I already have. If I can’t find gratitude and fulfillment here, it won’t be waiting for me over there. I’ll still be me. So whatever baggage I’m carrying now, once the novelty of something shiny and new wears off, I’ll realize I brought all of that same shit with me. Bigger window, same view.
This is not the same thing as settling. I have no intention of giving up on any of my long-term plans. I’m not going to dream smaller or aspire to less. I just don’t want my happiness to be conditional.
If I had this much money in my bank account…
If I had this many subscribers…
If I had this many films under my belt…
If I looked like this…
If. If. If.
This isn’t the dress rehearsal. This is the show.
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”
- Omar Khayyam
What I’ve Been Working On…
The same old list of ongoing projects. Not much new to report. So this week, it’s not as much about work as it is about play. I’ve written before about how often those two things overlap for artists and the importance of setting aside some time to create without expectations. Writing just to write. Painting just to paint. Not because it has to lead to something or serve some larger goal. Art for the sake of art.
But I’ve been trying to take it a step further and find some new hobbies that have absolutely nothing to do with any of my creative pursuits whatsoever. I wanted to learn some new skills for the sake of learning them.
And I landed on one that’s going to seem pretty random.
When I was in college, I dated someone who was Deaf. Early on, there was a lot of writing back and forth on a little notepad (she was also pretty good at reading lips), but I very quickly made the decision to start learning ASL. I was never proficient, but it was something I was enjoying getting better at.
When that relationship ended and there wasn’t a practical reason to continue doing it, I let it fall to the wayside. And I’ve always regretted that. But whenever I thought about picking it up again, that desire would always be overridden by what felt like more pressing concerns. Better ways I could be spending my time.
But that’s the whole point of a hobby! And it’s something I’ve only recently realized I really struggle with. So I decided, to hell with it. I’m going to do this. Not for any compelling reason. Not because it has to go somewhere. Just because. For me.
So I started taking some classes. It’s not exactly a new skill. There was quite a bit I remembered (and a lot that’s coming back to me really quickly), but after all this time, I still think this counts.
And it just feels really good to finally pay attention to that sense of curiosity and follow through on it. I hope it helps condition me to notice other less-obvious things I’m interested in exploring.
5 Cool Things
The Impossible Fortress by Jason Rekulak. I finished this book a couple of weeks ago and thought it was a lot of fun. It’s set in 1987 and it’s a coming-of-age story about three teenage boys who hatch a plan to steal a Playboy from their local convenience store and sell photocopies of it to their classmates. Part of their ruse involves one of the boys seducing the owner’s daughter for the security code. But when he finds out the two of them share a love of computer programming and they start working on a video game together, he winds up actually falling for her. It’s funny, endearing, and authentically late 80s. Not a Stranger Things-esque themed-restaurant pastiche of the 80s.
Project Unabomb. This eight-episode podcast came out last year, but my wife just discovered it and recommended it to me. We both flew through it in a couple of days. It’s about the manhunt for the Unabomber and it’s chock-full of information I’d never heard before.
Sticking with this week’s theme, here’s an article from Big Think about how our obsession with making things better ironically makes us unhappy.
How To With John Wilson is probably an acquired taste, but it’s one of my favorite shows and the third (and final) season recently started. If you’re a fan of Nathan For You or The Rehearsal, you need to check this out. Nathan Fielder’s one of the producers and you’ll see the similarities immediately. There’s nothing else like this on TV.
And finally, have you ever looked through the Wikipedia page of common misconceptions? This is an interesting rabbit hole to fall down.
Take care, friends. Talk to you soon.
Yikes that interview stopped me cold.